I agree. From the OPs subsequent posts, it sounds like they did agree with the husband, and that shes in an area where thats a more common approach. They have to want to change. Ment would not. Ding ding ding! Vegas has a convenient airport, massive conference facilities, and tons of hotels that cater to business travelers. Marriage CounselingDefinitely. Its so much more tame than it once was. So yeah, this isnt something that everyone feels, nor is it reasonable. So thank you for the comments. When an argument starts stop trying to persuade him or defend yourself. So much wow. Ive been in enough therapy to know thats my brain lying to me, and my spouse and I work together to come up with coping strategies to help ward off these thoughts, but they are always there in the back of my mind. When hed worry about what to do if, say, the house burned down while i was gone, I pointed out he could handle it just fine. This is a man who is trying to actively sabotage her career. I know its forbidden to comment on typos, but the gamboling is perfect! I tell him that if he was in my shoes, I would be supportive. And if you go to Roppongi or Kabuki-cho and get wasted at a sketchy bar, then yeah, turns out you have greatly increased the odds that someone will steal your wallet. He thought I should take his moms feelings into consideration and realize that I wasnt just hurting him, but his family as well, and reconsider. He stresses less when I go somewhere urban. This is so far outside of normal that if I were in your shoes OP, I would be socking money away so that I could leave him, unless theres something youre not telling us that could possibly justify how he treats you. But also, my aunt and uncle are pretty bigoted and I know they modeled the idea of a submissive wife and dominant husband for my cousin. Use of this site is subject to our terms of use and privacy policy. Ultimately I did choose my career over my marriage and now Im in the the middle of a divorce because of it. Also, thanks to Zappos, downtown is being rejuvenated as an artsy community of sorts, with galleries, boutiques and yes hipstery eateries. Hes my partner, not my parent, not my keeper, and Im still a grown ass adult who gets to decide what I do with my life. This is about control. My feeling is that hes coming up with post-facto, emotionally triggering justifications for something that has absolutely no basis in any rational apprehension of reality. Dont choke or burn yourself! 4. What do you think?. If I had to plan something like this myself, itd be at the top of my list for a lot of very practical reasons. Do you want to go? Theres no scenario that she cant find a worry for. Im in the same boat as the OP. Furthermore you can get into trouble anywhere, not just Vegas. Thats the issue here. First, therapy is good, but medication is faster. To give the LW the tools she needs to see if this is something she can work through to save her marriage and save her career. Ill wait. No. Twenty. Does hehave ahistory ofnot wanting toshare parts ofhis life with others? The following photos show exactly what can go wrong when you try to take a family photo. Husband Doesn't Want to Come with the Family on Vacation. Ack. He mad at my company and questions the motives. And (2) hes not paranoid, controlling or insecure. What helped me was to realize that this is something Im prone to do, recognize it when its happening, and mentally tell myself whats real and whats not real. Or hes over-reporting the level of agreement he got? The duration of the vacation. Whats more surprising is that youre the main provider. Sometimes walking away is the only thing you can do. OP, I really hesitate to use the word abuse when it comes to anyone elses relationship, but this post is giving me bad flash backs to a boyfriend who did this kind of thing to me all the time and I now know that it was psychological, emotional abuse and manipulation. If its phrased as Wife wants to go to Vegas without me for 3 days but go with a bunch of random guys Ive never met before!. I just assumed hes lying about even asking anyone. Find an new therapist to go alone so you can undo all the damage that marriage counseling with a controlling spouse has done. Couples counseling is also useful for people with issues that make them disposed to try to please and/or look from approval from their therapist. Right? Could also be a mix of the two, or something nobody has thought of yet. None which should be affecting your ability to do your job. I was fine, nothing weird happened to me, but I wont stay off strip again. Nothing magical about Vegas. My husband usually goes on an annual drinking trip with his buddies (they all go to a particular beer festival in a nearby city). Ive never gone to a weddings and heard vows that included I promise to love, honor, cherish, and ask your permission before I leave the house. That was my thinking toohow much did he lead them into getting the exact answer he wanted? Vegas strip is basically just that a massive neon strip mall with lots of people. Yeah, like MakeThings Im picturing a lot of Mmmmm. Sorry about the side note. Vegas is an extremely popular destination for conferences and business trips. by Alison Green on September 27, 2017. Either hes got anxiety driving him to act out this way, which can be addressed with talk therapy to learn new coping mechanisms (also, medication is an excellent tool that could help) or, he feels threatened by your success in business and is seeking to sabotage you to keep you in your place. Honestly, I just wasnt used to having someone worry about me. The biggest crime Ive personally witnessed is the outrageous price of food. Ive also gone on holiday with my mum and my grandmother for a week or two at a time. Ive also recently spent a weekend away with a close friend at a lake for a swimming event, and numerous overnight trips to see my family or friends in other parts of the country. Just my two cents. When I was in Vegas I called my husband 3 maybe 4 times a day during my breaks because I was so depressed and talking to him made me feel better. how do you handle being pregnant at work? I love it when my husband goes camping with the guys. But I just wanted to let you know that there are at least two people in the world who definitively do not agree with your husband. within arms range. Yep, this was one of my thoughts this might be a seriously overactive anxiety problem at work. A great thing to consider would be inviting a few friends over on Friday night for Shabbat dinner. Okay, I've been chewing on this for a few weeks. I think that theres value in saying, this could be going on, and it might be something to watch out for, but definitive statements that range far, far beyond whats in the letter are really problematic, both because they can end up being irrelevant and because they can make the OP dismiss the rest of the input being offered, because the read on that particular aspect the situation is incorrect. I mean, it isnt like he is supporting them. It was literally created by the mob and has legalized prostitution and gambling. by Christy Cox for Divorced Moms. He doesnt have to be consciously choosing thesetheyre already out there. Get that man into counseling, pronto. At tax time we make about the same but for my emergency calls its hard to keep up. Read: how could he know I was where I said I was? But the husband is the asshole how dare he worry about his wife, Absolutely get counseling. And, damn, every time I hear about kidnapping, it seems to be in Ohio or Mississippi, not places considered hotbeds of crime in US pop culture. That doesnt mean I believe totally that hubby polled everybody and reports the results fairly, but it really doesnt have to be an indication that he ignored a local majority to find like-minded people. Lets just say that the memo made it clear that there WAS going to be a LOT of partying of all sorts. This is always my response to people and they always get mad at me for saying it. There was a recent one with the same problem! But leave out the reasons, the excuses, the justifications and the emotions, as far as you can. I am from Las Vegas, born and raised there. Agreed! :), That reminds me of this Captain Awkward letter: https://captainawkward.com/2014/02/06/547-is-it-my-anxiety-or-is-my-relationship-dodgy-spoiler-holy-fuckshit-its-the-dodgiest/, Were now in a position where he thinks Ive made a mistake with the breakup, and that I did not adequately justify my reasons for ending it.. We had dinner at night and then literally went to sleep the moment we returned from dinner. You write that he is friendly but just doesn't like to socialize outside of the house. Yet he says he would not even go without me. If all he has to go off of are the stereotypes in movies and advertising then I can definitely see how it would be easy for him to be a combination of jealous and insecure. Jeez, we all married the same guy. I think its one of the things that makes our relationship so strong. This makes me MAD. I guess it's doable, but I wouldn't do it. Im guessing its because Vegas sounds like its all casinos and bars and drunk parties, and if I learned anything in college its that bars and drunk parties are teeming with predators. after that. Whether hes choosing them consciously or not, hes certainly trying to use them as a weapon to manipulate his wife into doing what he wants. And here we are, reading a letter from a woman concerned that her career will destroy her marriage because everyone told her husband so. Where I live, they would agree with the husbands position. Its not particularly reasonable to expect a teenager to make scheduled check-in calls, much less an adult! Since frankly the marriage is not healthy do not risk your career, which you need, for him. simple path graph example; tahoe blue vodka costco; emt patient assessment cheat sheet pdf Alternar men. He was there for a conference, and she was there for a bachelorette party. We actually started in couples counseling and it was working through that process that convinced him to go to individual counseling and go on medication. Create an account or log in to participate. Heres to many years of not feeling needless guilt. Why would a husband not want to go anywhere with his wife? Ill be safer and better nourished (I am a run of the mill vegetarian, but somehow that was hard to deal with, too. This is part of your JOB. Im not controlling or irrational, Im protecting my marriage!, An outsider can actually say Husband, this behaviour isnt normal or good for your relationship. She takes trips with friends, or solo, a few times a year. Divorce is a valid option, if you choose to go down that road. Unlikely if its not part of her character, but certainly more possible than in Eerie, Pennsylvania. (Pretty sure the best meal Ive had in my life was at a Vegas buffet there was bone marrow covered in like fig sauce and the second or third best was at one of the steakhouses). He does worry about my safety. His concerns are irrational, the trip is a reasonable expectation from your employer, and so you need to go and let him manage his feelings about it. Travel tip: if you go into a bar whose name would make Hooters say whoa, too obvious and use your corporate AmEx to cut lines of coke, you are probably going to run into some trouble. Either way, the fact that husband is freaking out and polling friends sounds like he, at least, needs to speak with a therapist, and both of you together would be even better to tackle this problem (the problem being his anxiety and the way its impacting your relationship, not the fact you need to travel). I had no problem with it. He needs to get help and you need to do whats best for you and your career (and your sanity!). I just point out that theres more crime in her trailer park, and she gets huffy about it. BTW, I hate the what happens in Vegas slogan and commercials as someone who did have a relationship end because of my partners infidelity, its not something that I find funny or amusing, and I cant imagine Im alone in that. He and this whole situation is definitely unstable and unsustainable. I get heated at the principle of spouses letting each other do things. He would be excited, even. This isnt about whether or not the thing Im about to do is dangerousit is about her desire to control what I do. Absolutely. I wear a light, carry a phone, and stay in my neighborhood where I know whats normal and whats not til the sun goes up. My jaw literally dropped. Marriage counselling is categorically not recommended if there is abuse. Inviting him to go might be a stop-gap measure to cover this trip. You (and a therapist) would know better. Whereas in reality, I just hope that this will be the time when Im on the subway at 1am and it wont be too crowded to get a seat. Ive done that before too, and it was invaluable in setting healthy boundaries in a sane, functional manner. Las Vegas facilities can serve dinner to 5000+ people in less than 30 minutes without breaking a sweat. Since its also a town that does very well at marketing itself as a destination for conferences (their facilities and amenities are really good, and I imagine their pricing is great because of demand is high enough to keep them low) then it makes sense that your work is choosing it as a place to send the managers since it sounds like an out of town conference is generally a thing they need to do. Because setting some reasonable limits is part of that. Often to far away and less-than-ideal places, safety-wise, sometimes for 2+ weeks at a time, and pretty frequently alone. I agree with you on the personal deal-breakers, but thats not the discourse thats going on here at the moment. Your husband is being unreasonable. Its like I encouraged a learned behavior. They figure the guys didnt want any young white foreigners getting caught up in some kind of scuffle but still Dont start trouble, you wont get trouble! He is the one with the heavy lifting, though. We went off the beaten track and it was just like any other city. And there does seem to be a fair amount of misbehavior discussed, but I have never seen any of it. Ill let my boss know that Ill need to leave work a bit early those days so I can get the kids from daycare., If it were my wife, my response would be Have fun Watch the lights in the sky to the north at night.,and Dont try to bet on 37 at roulette.. When the plans were being made hubby was not over excited but was ok with it. I suspect this has less to to with irrational fears of the big, bad world, and more to do with an outdated, sexist view of the man being in charge of his woman. At night, the most fun people have is maybe a different ink at a nearby bar otherwise theyre too tired and ttying to get their shit together for the next day ir for tomorrows flight. Talk about what services you provide. (I mean, ideally, theyd shut him down, but hopefully, at the very least, they dont actually agree and are just stuck talking to him about this against their will? This isnt normal, as you say, and a good husband will support you as you travel. The number of dudes who felt the need to tell me how unsafe my backpacking around Europe with my best friend was was pretty high. For example, Fiance didnt want me to take night classes for my certification because the parking lot had a lot of trees and shrubs where predators could hideand there were a lot of guys taking these classes. The gambling and drinking are pretty easy to not participate in if you dont want to. If youre happier and more successful without him, and what he brings to the table isnt enough anymore, its okay to opt out. Because were not one being known collectively as The Couple, were two individuals who just really like each other, but also respect each others autonomy. 2 junio, 2022; google load balancer path prefix rewrite; how much does it cost to join peninsula yacht club . Im going to second the suggestion of marriage counseling, but I think your husband sounds controlling and unreasonable. Somehow everyone turns into a sexual predator after dark. The counseling would then help them sort out their individual issues as well as provide them tools to handle the communitys judgment as well. Its not some ridiculous naked sex drug party. On the one hand, youd have to be very clear that hed be on his own while youre in all those meetings/conferences/etc and that you cant spend that time with him but, on the other hand, it may be worthwhile to relieve his stress and anxiety. Its really easy to say everyone else agrees (and they conveniently do so somewhere that you cant actually see/hear what they said), so anything that smacks of that strikes me as worthy of taking with a shakerfull of salt. If the wife approaches it as a joint issue, that demonstrates goodwill rather than blame, and is more likely to get the husband into the therapists office. Might need to go back. Its stupid of me, I know. And there usually are scenarios where getting permission is reasonable for a lot of people like if a spouse wanted to spend a lot of shared money or wanted to join a sports league that involved a big time commitment. If he balks or outright refuses, then that might be a signal that theyre in abusive territory and LW should consider solo counseling to decide how best to handle it. I would completely understand if my partner were worried if I needed to go on one of these trips, but if he tried to FORBID me from goingyeah, that wouldnt go well for him. Exactly this. Most of them. Plus, I like to travel so it was a good excuse. My own brain is like that. She has mentioned it makes her sad, but she takes the obey part of her vows very seriously. Refusing to go on this trip is highly unlikely to save your marriage. Yeah, support common technique, but we dont know what we dont know, till we know it. If you do this, he will *hate* it; I did, and so did my Mother, when I started doing this. I called home from a pay phone on the street around 10pm UK time and she freaked out because I was outside, at night, with nobody around who knew me! Maybe you set a boundary about content, and tell him you only want to talk about good stuff while youre goneI love you, cant wait to see you is OK, Im so worried youll get drugged, raped, and murdered is too much to put on you while youre focusing on work. You just reminded me that a lot of Mormon fundamentalist families live in the suburbs of Vegas because people dont bother polygamist families out there like they do in Utah. And LWs husband doesnt get to veto business trips, either. Thats a bright, flashing red sign. He was jealous and controlling before we got engaged. For me, the issues here are 1) input from friends is useful to inform ones own feelings, not make demands of ones partner by committee, and 2) ultimately, the person most affected by the demands is in the best position to make the right judgment call. Exactly. Yeah, there were some shady businesses. I lounge by the pool, eat really good food, order wines not available in my area. He can see how boring Vegas really is. Not because I felt unsafe (though I kind of did, but I could remind myself that was because of CSI and not because of logic) but mostly because it was also not clean enough for my standards and the savings werent worth it the amount of time I spent trying to get places. I do think raising, where you live, and a worldly perception of Vegas play in. Chances are the same thing would have happened in New York or San Francisco or wherever. I suspect he asked a leading question, something like My wifes company wants to send her to Vegas with a bunch of single guys who like to stay up late drinking. And theres more but I here these comments and the whole story wasnt told. It means the relationship ran its course and isnt bringing the two of you what you need any more, and thats sad, but its also not unusual. he needs to straighten hisstuffout. Everyones mileage will vary of course, but thats the choice I made. I can believe that he chooses to associate mostly with people who share his views on sin, evil, and temptation. By letting him come chaperone her once I worry that now hell believe this is reasonable and that he should chaperone all future work travel then all interactions with work colleagues, with single men, etc. When I go Im all about getting to as many different and awesome restaurants as humanly possible, and sitting by a pool with a book, when some of my friends go its about the nightlife, when my husband goes its about the sportsbook (this was my long way of saying that I agree with you). He gets anxiety about it, but he doesnt try to stop me from going he knows it is part of my job. I also tried talking through some of his wilder concerns. Being disabled doesnt give you carte-blanche permission to be a jerk.. This is just.rage-inducingly bonkers. So anything that could be perceived poorly at their church is not allowed. Youre the breadwinner? There are people just, everywhere, even at 2 am. We are the City That Never Sleeps, remember? Or the students who rejected their rejection letters when I worked in college admissions. And dirt cheap which I am guessing is why so many business conferences are set at that location. Im almost always jealous of the cool stuff he sees in his job, but I cant imagine being angry or upset about the trips. DH and I took our little girl on a 14-hour car trip when she was 4 weeks old (she's 10 weeks now). The worrying about her cheating leads me to consider there might be a problem with control/abuse, possibly. Honestly, things could happen anywhere, so his questioning that the trip is in Vegas sounds like a cover. Other National Geographic Family Journeys from G Adventures include bucket-list family vacation destinations like Iceland, Japan, South Africa, Peru, Costa Rica, Morocco, and Vietnam. Like AAM said it is mostly conference rooms and exhaustion afterword. Nevada decriminalized prostitution at the state level and left it to the counties. My in-laws (who I no longer speak to) freaked out when my wife and I got our current apartment because they found out it was across the street from the best Mexican restaurant in our city. Whenever we had a fight he would kowtow me with how everyone agreed with him and had various complaints about me that theyd apparently shared with him but never brought to me. If I were married and my husband told me that he honestly thought so little of me that he assumed I would cheat on him because I was going to Vegas for a business conference, I would be heartbroken. Is a 4 day trip to Vegas worth loosing a 10 yrs relationship. We live in an at-will dating society, where either party can end the relationship at any time, with or without cause and with or without notice.

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